Rosa Ivy, the Artist???
Confidence
By Ivy Integration
I
share these photos of myself because I want to welcome the woman of bravery,
gratitude and liberty. Woman is authentic! Woman is courage! Woman is beauty of
the universe. I am a young woman, twenty-four years old, full of exuberance and
passion…and fear and self-doubt.
Experience of life is
relentless. It demands full participation and acceptance. It is heavy, the
weight of this unresolved world. I am learning to trust myself and enliven
myself. I am learning to sooth myself and care for myself. This is the only way
to salvation as a young woman in a world noisy with obsessive behavior, unruly competition
and greedy attention. It is the voice of reason that reminds me to listen
within more closely.
Among generations of
unresolved anger, frustration, hate and self-demise, it is ruthless the grip of
self-belittlement. I Must face the
shadows of the women in my past and future. Sexual trauma, oppression,
stagnation, self-hate, undervalue, desperation and grief are the burdens all
women carry. The biggest burden is low self-worth. I want to embrace the pilgrimage
of the Arabian, Spanish, Cherokee, African, German, so on and so on, all these
women who made the journey. I want to be their student even if the discipline upsets
my weakness and command me to be honest when many rather live oblivious,
arrogant, selfish and disconnected.
I
am not disheartened by the superficial woman, fake woman, fraud woman, desperate
woman, envious woman, aggressive woman. All the woman of the dark ages live
inside me because I am apart of a linage of disheartened women too insecure and
unsafe to raise the generation to think high of themselves. Now, empowerment is
broadcasting loudly to try and save human from recklessness, self-hate and pain
of no return. Empowerment is the woman! Empowerment is philosophy, meditation,
ethics and community. Empowerment is the woman who takes the breakdown and breaks
through because the greatest priority of woman is to save the generation. This
is a daunting and haunting mission that many rather not step into but the skins
of the disheartened woman must shed for the missing woman to find her haven in
the heart, mind and spirit.
Since
I was a little girl, I’ve been driven by the women of twelve thousand years and
the spirit of Mother Earth. This beacons me to not be afraid of the hungry
ghosts lost in us all but to develop creativity like a field of wildflowers.
The pains and aches of birth, rebirth, death and reform do not alarm or hurt me
anymore. I see them coming because I allow myself to Feel hungry ghosts without terror or resentment, blame or shame,
because I know humanity cannot evolve as long as woman does not step into the
blue fire of transformation.
Transformation
is transmutation and transmutation is the deepest grief many simply do not
allow themselves to be exposed to. When ideology, religion, social norm and tradition
are stony-hearted, set, fixed, unmovable, “the way it is” there is an age of
woman to reset the stage for all of humankind to be reinvented, fresher in
heart and mind. Woman is beaten, stoned, raped, attacked, told she is worth nothing,
told she is thrown away, woman learns a lesson…forgiveness.
Forgiveness
creates gratitude for the generation and gives humanity a chance to correct all
mistakes. Forgiveness is the root to every religion, social norm, ideology, but…judgment
is the shadow no one wants to face. One day the shadows grow and grow to be
entities that rule the Earth, tormenting, molesting and shaming humankind.
These judgments, saint and sinner, all are going to hell, all her pitiful,
unruly and distasteful is the dark age only the liberated heart can
revolutionize.
I
am devoted to the blue fire within me. I expose myself to it. I engulf myself
in the intensity of self love. I want to breakdown. I want to be destroyed. I want
to be left naked, simple, crude and sensitive. In the grief of various pains, I
realize how miraculous grief is in the higher view. It wants to set us free of
the habits, patterns, addictions and low self worth that blocks the flow of
creativity.
To
be creative woman is to be fearless, to live so fully and die so lovingly. I do
not run from crisis that always is. I simply find the art of peace so I am the
eye of the storm and not the storm. Evolution of stars is violent. Evolution of
Earth is vicious. Evolution of human is brutal. Human does not compare mind to
cosmic explosion. Human does not compare heart to celestial music. Human does
not compare body to ethereal trance. Human only realizes such majestic splendor
in death, not only physical, but the death to skins and return of missing
freedom long awaiting a space to grow inside the human mind, heart and body.
I
yearn to create a space for missing freedom to return. I yearn for the brokenness
of woman to hear my call! “You are the
beauty of the universe…no matter what!” No matter what is the
voice of my soul. I hear this gentle voice in the tears of deep meditation when
all is not disheartened but heartfelt. I hear this fierce voice in the screams
for immediate justice from the unprotected woman and do not look away but straight
through.
I see the blue fire and
no longer fear empathy. I feel the blue fire and no longer fear the breakdown.
I sense the blue fire and no longer fear the attack. I know the blue fire as my
soul yearning to spiritually grow and open massive doorways for others to
spiritually grow as well.
My inner haven is calm,
for now. Maybe, later the noise may agitate, irritate or cause anxiety but for
now I am listening to the ocean and nothing else. For right now, I am no ideology,
religion, tradition, ethnic group or nationality. For right now, I belong to
Mother Earth in hopes of being taught how to sensitize my life and return the
missing woman back to humankind.
No
matter what you are
beauty of the universe. Let them come! Let them try! Let them love and
hate! But, remember the doorway to all realms is not the tiresome voice. It is
the fearless calm that strikes the Earth with power and humankind with the voice
of centuries, thousands of years calling out…no matter what there is a divine will to take the weight of this world
all the way to the spiritual temple where humanity finds its fearless calm.
Woman of bravery, gratitude and
liberty is the missing woman. She is there, very much alive, but dormant in us
all. She comes out. She touches us to heal our grieving heart. She sings to the
children to help them conquer the hungry ghosts in the night. She shares wisdom
to the people with open hearts and minds to help humankind innovative solutions
where there are none. She is generous always because she is the bridge between
nature and human and the connection to the naked energy, refined and
manifested, as the inner child.
